By Crystal Richardson, BSP, MSC, PLPC – DV Survivor

Domestic Violence Awareness Month gives us a moment each year to shed light on an issue that too often remains hidden. As both a therapist and a survivor, I share my experience to help others better understand the realities of domestic violence (DV), the fear that keeps victims trapped, and the hope that can be found on the other side of healing.

Before we continue, a gentle content warning: this article includes references to trauma and abuse. Each year, I speak out about domestic violence (DV) to help those who have no experience with the topic understand the victims and survivors, the severity of the situation and the lasting effects of DV. This year I met with healthcare professionals and church leaders at Apostolic Church of Jesus Christ. In the past, I have spoken to the public at churches and college campuses. I like to engage the individuals I meet in these events in developing understanding about DV, as without understanding and discussion the situation will not end. It thrives in darkness and silence behind closed doors.

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Understanding the Shock of Abuse

*Trigger warning for those with significant trauma in their past.

Think for a moment about the person you feel the safest with who makes you feel the love in their heart, makes you feel special, and who you have no reason to doubt their intentions toward you. Feel that warm loving feeling? Sit in that feeling for a full minute. Now, imagine that person gets instantly mad for unknown reasons and grabs you by the neck and holds you to a wall, or the back of a couch or chair. Feel that shock and fear? That is what a domestic violence victim feels when they are attacked physically. They are groomed to believe that the abuser loves them, that they are safe and suddenly they are told they are worthless and harmed.As you may have felt in that visualization exercise, no one wants to be or is okay with being harmed. The abusers weaponize that fear to take control. The fear is why victims stay.

Abusers will threaten their children, family, friends, co-workers, and anyone else that the victim cares about – including their pets. Abusers use those fears to threaten others to control the victim. After all, if they harmed the victim, what is there to make the victim believe the threats against those the victim loves are any less credible?

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Life After Leaving can be Intimidating & Abuse Doesn’t Stop as the Victim Walks Over the Threshold as a Survivor

I have been out of that house for 21 years now, and the abuse finally stopped 11 years ago. The 10 years that followed our leaving the abuser were filled with retaliation from the abuser, his family, and his girlfriend. This retroactive abuse can drag on in custody battles, harassment and stalking beyond the victims leaving whether directly by the abuser, through their family members, friends, and new significant others.

There are quite a few more resources now that were not available then. At the time that we left, shelters in Texas were turning away approximately 3,500 victims per year due to lacking placement as they were at capacity.

I was lucky enough to have parents with a recently vacated rental property that allowed me to take over that space. At the time we left, if a victim had children, when they leave the abuser and they couldn’t be place in a shelter in Texas, the victims faced the fear of losing their children to foster care, and they must take parenting courses to prove to family court that they can be protective enough to keep the abuser away from themselves and the children. The survivors have a short amount of time to find a home, transportation, and a steady job to retain their children. (Knowledge of this fear is another way the abusers will prey on by telling the victims, “You can’t do it alone and you’ll lose the children.” The abuser will even manipulate people they know to call in reports to CPS against the victims.)

My situation slowly and steadily got better over time. My kids and I got to a safe place, and over time we thrived. It just took time.

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There Is Hope

I did say there is hope for survivors. I can show myself as an example. After leaving and surviving the aftermath of the abuse, I have put myself through school, graduated with bachelor’s in psychology, a master’s in clinical counseling and I am now a Pre-Licensed Professional Counselor (PLPC) working on my hours to get my License Professional Counselor (LPC) licensure. I graduated with a 3.88 GPA and brought my GPA up from a 2.17 in the process. There is hope! The key is to see it, and keep that hope in your focus, even in the hard moments. Life can be happy again, not just survival. Do not give up!

My children grew up to be healthy, productive, and happy adults. They all graduated from high school with good GPAs and took their own paths.

It took time, therapy, and a fresh start. The oldest has a family of his own now, is a good dad and is a supervisor in his career. My middle child is in a healthy relationship and went military as his career. My youngest is thriving in his field in management.

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How I Moved Forward to Help Others

The roadblock I found for so many, me included, was that many providers were only available during standard business hours. During school I planned to do things a little differently. I am now a therapist that has availability in the evenings and on Saturdays to help busy families and individuals with busy schedules, so therapy is an option.

As I said earlier, I am also an advocate speaker. I accept speaking engagements each year in October for domestic violence awareness month. I blend my experience with facts and statistics to educate others about DV to break down the barriers through understanding from the inside out. My goal is to help normalize the conversation by removing stigmas about the victims/ survivors. Shedding light on the truth is the only way to make this goal happen.

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If you would like to meet with me. Please reach out. I am happy to help in any way I can.

I have availability to help those surviving and struggling to work through trauma, grief, anxiety, depression, PTSD, CPTSD and surviving one or all the above – I am here! My internship was with a local DV shelter, and I now work within a private practice. I work with adults, teens, preteens, and some children. I do my best to help those I work with to learn ways to cope with situations that affect daily life.

If you are looking for an advocate speaker for a DV school assembly, church meeting, awareness event or psychoeducational event – I am your girl! I have a passion to educate others on the truth and encourage questions at the end of my presentations. I like to have the difficult conversations that bring understanding. DV thrives in silence, and darkness behind closed doors. Let us open the doors and break the silence!

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I look forward to meeting with you in whichever capacity is needed.

I can be reached directly by phone, and email. Appointments can also be booked with our admin through the main phone line:

Crystal Richardson, Survivor, BSP, MSC, PLPC Therapist
Therapist at Metis Counseling
Main: 816-399-4204
Direct: 816-399-4204 extension 24
https://www.metiscounseling.com
ccrichardson.73@gmail.com

We have a new topic expert article published over at the GoodTherapy.org blog on Applying the ‘Love Languages’ to the Parent-Child Relationship. A brief excerpt follows.

While you may have heard of the love languages, you may not have applied them to the parent-child relationship. It’s telling kids “I love you” in a language they respond to. Saying the words often isn’t enough. Parents often assume their kids know they are loved, but that’s not always the case.

» Read the whole piece here.

We have a new topic expert article published over at the GoodTherapy.org blog on the different styles of grieving of mean and women. A brief excerpt follows.

Intuitive grief, which is considered more of a feminine style, tends to involve the open expression of emotion. Instrumental grief, which has been associated more with men, usually involves inward reflection and expression of grief through action.

» Read the whole piece here.

1. CRYING

This is the first strategy you learn to cope with pain. Crying helps you discharge tension and discomfort and relaxes tight muscles.

2. EXERCISING

Any aerobic exercise reduces stress, 20-30 minutes 3 times a week.

3. INTENSE WORK ACTIVITY

Channel your energy into a focused task.

4. HUMOR

Look at the bright side.

5. WRITING

Poetry and journal writing are effective vehicles for expressing and discharging feelings.

6. VERBALIZING PAIN

The act of saying that you hurt out loud reduces painful stress. Even if you’re shouting in your car or in an empty room, just saying it is calming and sometimes even healing.

7. PROBLEM – SOLVING ACTIVITIES

Directing your energy toward fixing what’s wrong reduces stress because you’re dealing with the root problems.

8. PROBLEM – SOLVING COMMUNICATIONS

Letting the person know your needs, feelings and limits reduces stress born of frustration.

9. MUSIC

A little time alone listening to music reduces stress.

10. ART

Any kind of drawing or painting can reduce stress.

11. PLAY – DOUGH

Working the clay in your hands for several minutes reduces stress.

12. RESTING

A period of no activity can be very helpful. Get an average of at least eight hours of sleep a night. If you know you need less, be consistent in the amount of sleep, and get to bed and rise at the same time on a regular basis.

13. EAT THREE MEALS A DAY

Consider vitamin supplements, with the advice of a doctor or dietician. Examine your intake of sugar and salt.

14. ELIMINATE SMOKING

Consult your physician about a non-smoking program.

15. REDUCE CAFFEINE INTAKE

Reduce coffee and tea to two or three cups a day. Fruit juice or cereal beverages may be substituted.

Metis Counseling to Attend Platte County Community Center South’s 2011 Block Party

Come join us this Saturday, August 27^th at the Platte County Community South’s FREE Block Party from 6-9PM. Stop by our booth to visit with our counselors, learn about our services or to let the kids play some games and receive some goodies. The event includes live music and entertainment, food, games, inflatables, and giveaways from local businesses and remember, everything is FREE.

The party will be held in the front lot of the Platte County South YMCA at 8875 Clark Avenue, Parkville MO 64152. So grab your family and come have some fun…we hope to see you there!

We have a new topic expert article published over at the GoodTherapy.org blog on avoiding battles with your teen. A brief excerpt follows.

Teens often tell me their parents don’t understand, don’t listen or don’t care about what they think. Parents wonder why their lectures fall on deaf ears. How do we bridge this communication gap? Parents often want to lecture instead of listen. Teens have heard it before and already know what their parents are going to say. As a result, the only purpose of a lecture is to make parents feel better.

Let’s looks at some alternative techniques that may sound like common sense but ones that are often not practiced…

» Read the whole piece here.

Melissa Wright and Nicole Rich would like to announce the one year anniversary of the opening of Metis Counseling. “A lot has occurred throughout the year since the practice has established itself in the Northland” said co-owner and counselor Nicole Rich “which includes adding many more accepted insurance and EAP plans, being active in social media, collaborating with other community professionals and acquiring the skills necessary to be successful business women within private practice.”

Metis Counseling continues to provide outpatient counseling services to children ages 3 and up, adolescents, and adults facing issues such as (but not limited to) depression, anxiety, trauma, abuse, life transitions and grief and loss. The clinicians provide individual and family counseling as well as play therapy, and its counselors are committed and compassionate about the services they provide. Metis Counseling is conveniently located across from the Zona Rosa entrance near the I-29 and Barry Road corridor, in the Barryview Building behind Jiffy Lube, Prairie View Road and 83^rd Street. “We receive positive feedback regarding our location and easy access off of the highway” said co-owner and counselor Melissa Wright, “as well as comments on the office being comfortable and child-friendly. Clients and families appreciate the quick and personal response in scheduling. Clients like that we consider their availability and provide flexible scheduling.”

Metis Counseling is currently accepting new clients and works with many insurance plans as well as a self pay option. If you or someone you know is struggling with emotional or mental health issues and are looking for support and guidance, please visit www.metiscounseling.com or call (816) 399-4204.

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For more information:

Nicole Rich or Melissa Wright
(816) 399-4204
info@metiscounseling.com